Girl Scout Cookies v. Corporate Cookies

Today we have a special treat for you! A guest post featuring my awesome wife Lindsey (who posts her excellent doodles over at lindseydoodles.tumblr.com! As a former girl scout, she has a special place in her heart for their cookies, but we decided that for science’s sake we should do a taste test between the real deal and the imposters created by Keebler and Oreo. Now, I couldn’t find any cookie that attempted to precisely replicate the PB Patty/Tagalong, so I settled for the next best thing, Oreo’s Peanut Butter Fudge Creme, and the major difference between them is a chocolate cookie on the bottom rather than vanilla.

In the name of science, and because there was no way Lindsey would be impartial, I did a blind taste test. Turns out it’s pretty easy to tell the difference when you’ve been eating one kind for years. I thought the Girl Scout cookies had better flavor in general than the others. I really like the chewiness of the Caramel DeLite, and the Keebler Coconut Dreams cookie is simply crispy. The ABC Baker Peanut Butter Patty we get in NC is actually better than the Little Brownie Bakers Tagalong I had growing up, as it tastes less waxy. The Oreo Fudge Creme cookie is pretty different because of the chocolate base, but it is tasty. The thin, minty cookies taste very similar; however, the ABC Bakery Thin Mint doesn’t freeze nearly as well as the LBB Thin Mint. It turned all waxy and made my mouth feel like it was coated in fuzz. The Keebler Grasshopper freezes admirably. Overall, the imposter cookies are significantly cheaper than the Girl Scout cookies, but the good cause provided by the Girl Scouts makes it all worth it, and I would actually pay more per box to keep them from shrinking the cookies, which they’ve been doing recently. But enough from me. It’s time for Lindsey’s review!

Top row Girl Scouts, Bottom row IMPOSTERS

 

GS Peanut Butter Patty/Tagalong v. Oreo Peanut Butter Fudge Creme

The Girl Scout Peanut Butter Patty tasted like social justice; the feminist flavors blended nicely with hints of empowerment and personal agency. There was a pleasurable aftertaste of tolerance that was reminiscent of that time that Martin Luther King, Jr. described Girl Scouts of America as a “force for desegregation” or maybe that time that the Girl Scouts of Colorado supported a transgendered child in her efforts to join a Girl Scout troop.

The Oreo Peanut Butter Fudge Creme was a revoltingly saccharine marriage of high fructose corn syrup and hydrogenated oils masquerading as food. It sat limply on the plate next to the robust Peanut Butter Patty, looking sorry for itself.

GS Thin Mint v. Keebler Grasshopper

I would describe the Girl Scout Thin Mint as a divine culinary experience, but feel free to replace the word “divine” with whatever word fits your spiritual beliefs or lack thereof. You know, like the Girl Scout Council’s policy that a scout should substitute whatever words she likes for the phrase “to serve God” in the Girl Scout Promise, so that no girl feels excluded from GSA because of her religious background.

The Keebler Grasshopper Fudge Mint Cookie had a pitiful chalky quality and tasted like corporate avarice. It was trying too hard and I felt a little sorry for it.

 

 

GS Caramel deLite/Samoa v. Keebler Coconut Dreams cookie

The Girl Scout Caramel DeLite was a hearty blend of body positivity and healthy media advocacy. After I ate it I was suffused with the comfortable knowledge that GSA is the most awesome, inclusive girls’ organization there is, and that I would be supporting Girl Scouts with my dollars regardless of whether or not I liked their cookies. The fact that they’re DELICIOUS is just a fabulous bonus.

The Keebler Coconut Dreams cookie tasted like shame and regret.

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