The Onion has proven once again that I’m not nearly funny enough to write for them (cf. yesterday’s terrible puns) with this spot-on journalistic gem about one man’s future retrospection on his present-day hedonism.
WAUKEGAN, IL—Without any concern for what his self-destructive habits are doing to him and to his relationship with the Lord, future born-again Christian Travis Sutton is currently drinking, doing drugs, and thinking everything is just one big joke, sources confirmed Tuesday.
The completely out-of-line 24-year-old, who one day will get his act together and realize that no amount of fast living can match the rush that comes from allowing Jesus to fill your heart, is at this point reportedly getting drunk every day, partying every night, and acting like nothing else even matters.
Keep reading at the source link, it’s totally worth it.